Imperfections can make a person stand out
like a queen, but they don’t always feel like positive aspects to love. For the longest time Canadian artist, Andrea Dorfman, experienced the negativity of having a ‘big nose’. It seemed that the nose defined how she was seen and it made her feel ugly in comparison to others. These thoughts continued when she fell in love with plastic surgeon, Dave, who was thought by profession to rid people of their imperfections. From this period in her life comes the graphic novel memoir, Flawed.
Surprisingly, I discovered this story in the fiction section of the library first. Originally, this story was shared as an animated short under the National Film Board of Canada and was nominated for an Emmy. There are many similarities between the 12 minute picture and the publication, including an accompaniment of colourful and unique illustrations.
Throughout the pages, readers witness the self-destructive moments in her life. From losing a connection with a friend to blaming the man in her long-distance relationship for her feelings of inadequacy. However, there is a turning point. There is a moment where she realizes that her emotions relating to her ‘big nose’ were all ultimately a choice.
She did not have to let the bullying affect her significantly.
She did not have to assume that others focused on her nose.
She did not have to accept that she was alone in her insecurities.
Though this is easier said than done, the key thing to remember is that you are not alone in your struggle. When asking Dorfman for advice about self love and acceptance, this is what she had to say,
“I think now more than ever, with social media/Instagram etc., there is pressure to look a certain way and to live a certain life. This is largely motivated by corporate interest. When it comes to self love and acceptance, I would suggest putting your energy into not comparing yourself to others. There is so much focus on this and the message is always ‘I’m not good enough’ and ‘what will help me become better and love myself’ (this is when the corporations fly in to the rescue). To me, what makes me feel great, are my community of friends who I love and support and feel supported by. I don’t do any social media because I know it wouldn’t be healthy for me to engage with. I actually think self love comes not from focusing on the self but from engaging with something bigger than you are, something beyond you, and giving to that world.”
Your ‘imperfections’ are not your only defining attributes. They are not all that you are. You have your interests, your hates, your support system, your education, your career, your personality, etc. Choose to only allow those which you value, to have impact on how you feel. You do not have to feel ugly. You can choose to stick out like a queen instead of a sore thumb.
Website: http://andreadorfman.com/
NOTE: 1. Flawed WAS published in Richmond hill, Ontario. (CANADA)
2. DISCOVERED THROUGH the local library.
3. A misconception about plastic surgery is that it is not just cosmetic, there is also reconstruction.
4. When i e-mailed her to ask why she focused on this part of her life, she wrote, “Someone once told me that if you’re looking for an idea to make a film about, tell the story that you’d be too afraid or ashamed to tell your grandmother. This is where you need to delve into! It’s the same thing – for me, there is healing, release and peace in telling such stories.”
Great piece. I have always been self-conscious about my full lips. They were not considered sexy when I was growing up. Now, I love them. No fillers for me!
beauty standards are really funny like that – where some things are considered sexy at one point in time or may be considered sexy in a different area of the world. clearly beauty is really subjective and constantly evolving. BTW full lips are awesome and i am jealous lol
Thanks. Have a wonderful weekend!
Words we should all strive to live by, social media be damned! I struggle with self love, but just like with any other relationship, there are good days and bad days 🙃
It’s so hard sometimes to be happy and proud of how we look with the media giving us a certain image of how we should look. I’m totally guilty of that. And I hate how so many girls just instantly see one another as competition and a threat even if there’s nothing to be threatened about.
This sounds like a very interesting book. I’ll have to see if our library has it. Thanks for the post!
I hated my nose as a kid, but I love it now. It’s a part of who I am and I’d never want to change it. This story looks cute.
We are all God made with our perfections and imperfections put together. Sometimes a long nose is seen as a positive aspect of a person’s face. Provided it’s not too long 😊
This generation of young girls are highly influenced by social media, I believe a lot of insecurities stem from that.
This is why I really look up to people who are very contented and confident with themselves despite having something that the society dictates as being ugly or not good-looking. I’m still struggling with this.
It saddens me to think that people who feel they have an imperfection lets society dictate what’s acceptable. I am glad she’s found inner peace and has turned this into a positive.
This book seems like an interesting story to read. Although I’m very familiar with big noses as I have one myself.
I haven’t seen this book yet. It looks so interesting. I’ll definitely look for “Flawed” in my nearest bookstore.
This sounds like an amazing book to pick up. You see actors all the time using their “imperfections and making a career out of them!
This book demonstrates such a positive message to kids! This can be very valuable in teaching to love your differences rather than view them as flaws!
I have always been teased because I have a darker skin tone compared to my siblings. Growing up, it affected my self confidence. It was only until my husband said my skin is beautiful and that I should be proud of it.
this reminds me so much about a conversation i had with a friend – i told her i wish i had her curly hair, she said she wished she had my straight/wavy hair. its funny how we sometimes want things that we don’t have. i bet i would want straight wavy hair if i had curly hair lol
I love reading a good story. Thanks for sharing. I love opening up my mind to new things.
No one is born perfect. Everyone has their own flaws. It is all about our attitude. Staying positive and loving ourselves as we are is the way to find happiness and fulfillment.
This is a topic that’s near to my heart… Many thanks! Exactly
where are your contact details though?
I’m glad I was able to post something that you were able to connect to. Thanks for also pointing out my contact page, I have updated it now, so feel free to reach out anytime!
https://www.instagram.com/asiapsiholog_family/